Ghost Busters Multitrack

sbtb

this is a worthy video for those of you interested in saved by the bell and those who have extra time on their hands. enjoy. thanks judson.

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shake it, you won't break it

in 4.5 hours i will have finished this first semester. i have a last final in my theology class and i need to hand in a paper i've written. but first, i get to see magic!

my theology professor, also the president of the seminary and undergrad, is an illusionist. he says illusionist because magicians are the most evil people in the world, just after mimes. the root of their evil comes from there tendency to dance whilst performing. he balances out his tendency towards the dark side with cookies that his wife makes. cookies and magic allow him the freedom to make his exams torturous. if i ever stage a violent political uprising, it will be preceded by cookies and magic.

all this talk of dancing magicians reminds me of the last episode of freaks and geeks. one of the characters, played by jason segel, enters a disco contest only to be upstaged by a disco magician. oh how i love this show. if you've never encountered bill, this video is a start. bill haverchuck is one of the greatest television characters ever.

pancakes, bacon and pizza

i am in the midst of finals, papers and planning the class retreat since i am the class vice president. will somebody please hire somebody to shoot me in the thigh? (i'm not sure why i chose the thigh)

it is strange to think that i will have completed 33 hours of grad school after this week. mathematically it is impossible for me to fail all of my classes, a comfort i cling to in times like these. actually, i'm performing better academically than i ever have. it is amazing how much i'll study things i love as opposed to things i rather detest (i'm talking to you chemistry).

i'm learning more than i can process and i'm taking in more than i can handle. a professor told me the other day that what worries him is that he has become educated beyond his ability to follow and obey, that he has learned more than he knows what to do with.

now, i know those statements could come across as pompous words of someone who fancies himself an intellectual elite. but this was not the man's heart. he has simply been studying the bible, theology and spiritual matters for decades. he knows a great deal, plain and simple.

truthfully, what he said was rooted in humility. he desperately wants to obey and walk in faith in God, not in faith in his brain. in the church today, particularly the church in the bible-belt, i think there is the threat of becoming educated beyond our ability to obey, our ability to worship and our ability to follow. because we've heard it from the nursery on up, it is easy to think we understand it or that we've got it. that is quite natural. the longer a person is exposed to anything, the harder it is for that thing to be fresh or to maintain its impact. this is true of almost everything, except pancakes, pizza and bacon (those three never lose their power). God fits right in there too, probably just above all three.

beyond all of the things i'm being tested on and writing about, i've learned a great deal on the depths of God. i know there is more depth to explore and i will spend life exploring that. but i have to remind myself that exploration is more about finding something, making a claim. it isn't simply about wandering. i think this is especially true of faith in Jesus Christ.

i am not meant to simply plow through book after book about God, the atonement, systematic theologies and whatever else is before me. i am meant to revel in the truth of what i'm studying. i am meant to let God's Word change me and guide me. i am meant to let the things i know trickle down from my head to my heart and then let it work its way out through my hands into real life. knowledge simply does not a lick of good if it doesn't change us.

that process can be painful. there are things in my life i hate to acknowledge. in my ability to reason and justify things i don't even have to. i can simply let myself focus on the others. but that isn't holiness. that isn't what God has called me to. the true love of God is in obedience. 1 john 5:3 states that pretty clearly: "this is love for God: to obey his commands..."

that is what i'm meant for. i meant to love God. that is what i was created for, to revel in that love, commune in Him and obey. that verse adds "and his commands are not burdensome." this has proven true in my life. it is in obedience, in doing what i know God would have me do when He would have me do it, that i find joy.

the problem isn't amassing knowledge. that problem is letting that knowledge lose its meaning. there is great power behind the Gospel. i've lost sight of that a lot. thankfully, He keeps reminding me of how beautiful His love for us really is. i still don't get it. i still don't deserve it. but i love it and i'm grateful.

in light of that professor's thoughts, i think paul's words to the corinthians is an appropriate end to this rambling: for i resolved to know nothing while i was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified.

future hindsight

scientists should be studying me right now. for the last couple of weeks it seems like i have not been able to find actual rest. i have slept reasonable hours, even stealing the very occasional nap. it seems as though sleeping one hour up to 24 and anywhere in between would leave me with heavy eyes and the insatiable desire to be horizontal.

times like this are wonderful in hindsight. i know that when i get to the end of this incredibly draining semester i will be grateful for the exhaustion because it meant growth. i am having to depend on the parts of me that i hoped were there. you like to think that you've got a little reserve fuel in you, that you have something that will push you that extra few steps and then some. i look forward to looking back on this time because i will see that i did have it in me and that it was God's great grace bringing me through. i will see how much i have gained because of that divine energy.

i have always tried not to be preachy on this thing. sometimes i'm not too good at trying. but the truth is that i am grateful and i am amazed at what God does. He gets a lot of slack for things that happen in this world it seems. i'm not exempt from questioning and wrestling with doubt. but i have seen and felt ridiculous levels of grace and love. i have learned to trust God when i cannot understand Him and that there is beauty in the things of/about God that we can understand. i am grateful of the things we can know because He revealed them to us in His word and His creation.

i'm in a period of growth, in knowledge and in love. those two things together are pretty amazing. again, i'm grateful to be where i am. but i am miserably tired and exhausted. so often it seems like those two sets go together well. growth almost always involves some type of struggle or trial. knowing that, the struggle becomes much easier. knowing what hebrews 11 and 12 say makes the struggle much easier. faith carries us through the struggle that God, with purpose, sets before us. those heroes of the faith knew it. there is purpose for the hardship and buying into that truth helps us become more like what, in Christ, we will one day be.

my tired eyes will freshen up soon enough, my aching back will be healed up soon enough, my brain will stop running in circles soon enough and i'll end this post soon enough. my dwindling bank account might not ever be filled up but i know that God is good and, thanks to the work of Christ, he is within me filling me up with more than i need. if it isn't in this life, i'm grateful for the future hope salvation affords me.

these days there is a great deal of worry in this world. money seems to be running away. business are hurting. wonderful organizations that are dearly loved and that will be dearly missed by many are dissolving. retirement plans are calling it quits and nest eggs aren't quite hatching anymore. and there are countless other troubles i've not seen or experienced.

yet, God is good. seeing the goodness and love of God in these times is hard. maybe it doesn't seem to make sense on the surface. but i think seeing it does make sense out of our circumstances, by allowing us future hindsight right now. because God is who He is i need not fret. knowing that these hardships will have great meaning in the future gives them great meaning now. i like how that works. perspective i don't have yet is available for me through faith, through trusting that God is indeed working in this world and in my life.

me sleepy now

what follows is not quite worth your time.

i'm just trying to keep afloat until spring break brings reprieve. ahh, glorious sleep. i've forgotten what you feel like. only the insufficient, paltry hours can i afford. why? i ask, why? why must educators of all levels schedule such important assignments before and after this time of year? cruelty abounds and rest escapes me.

my schedule follows thusly: tuesday=greek midterm; wednesday=spiritual formations paper; thursday=christian theology paper on eschatology, specifically the imminence of Christ's second coming + a paper for my new testament class + my parents come in town; friday=paper establishing my biblical theology of missions; week after spring break=two more substantial papers. it's not too bad. most of you are probably quite busy in your own right.

yet, in the midst of mental/physical exhaustion, i love it. all of these papers are enjoyable to me. greek is fantastic. all of it is so challenging and humbling. oregon is beautiful, portland is eccentric and both are growing on me.

yesterday, in my sleepy stupor, i randomly sung the following words: rock n' roll monkeys. it came out of nowhere. i laughed at myself and then sung a very believable verse and chorus based on the divinely inspired phrase. it was so natural that my classmate thought it was the theme song to a children's cartoon. sadly, it is not. hopefully, it might be. here is a sampling of my extreme case of lameness.


rock n' roll monkeys, they are rockin' and rollin' and for bananas they're patrolin'. rock n' roll monkeys, they stay away from booze but sometimes they throw their poo.
cause they're the rock n' roll monkeys and they're gonna rock the jungle down (playing that funky sound).

rock n' roll monkeys, they swing from tree to tree lookin' for a rock n' roll beat. rock n' roll monkeys, when they eat a banana, they will dance like m c hammer.
cause they're the rock n' roll monkeys and they're gonna rock the jungle down (playing that funky sound.)

laundry

my day is just about over. i'm in bed and laying on clean sheets, which are wonderful. clean sheets, clean blankets and clean pillow cases make me feel as if i'm going to sleep in heaven. i cherish the night or so i get of super cleanliness. it doesn't last, does it?


those of you who really know me might know how much i despise laundry. i'd have trouble thinking of something i loathe more. i love the smells though. oh, how i love the smell of laundry rooms. i hate the process: hate folding, hate having to wait around for the dryer, hate loosing socks, hate cleaning out the lint thingy, hate (and usually don't) separating lights and darks (segragation is wrong), & i hate folding (really, really hate it).

the problem, as i see it, is that laundry never ends. there are always more things to wash, like what you wear when you're washing. the nudists maybe onto something: they are free from the tyrrany of laundry. i am certain laundry is the part of the fall theologians and ministers don't like to talk about. if the fruit had never been unlawfully eaten, i wouldn't be perpetually washing, drying, folding and wishing i was rich enough to hire someone to wash my clothes for me.

oh how i dislike things that never end. i want resolve. i want solutions. i want answers.

i've tried for a few weeks now to write something for this thing here. failure has abounded. there is plenty going on, plenty going through my head. but every time i sit to write, i just stop a few paragraphs into it.

i guess i'm wondering when i'm going to have some type of conclusion in some areas of life. for the last handful of years or more, i've been looking for something satisfying. what i've found is more laundry, more of just living life and getting through. life can be awfully repetitive.

the repetition can make us bitter or bored or discontent or frustrated or so many things. in the repetition of life there is plenty of meaning to find. i tend to focus on the things i'm not happy about, especially with where i'm at or who i am. i don't look to the things i have and enjoy.

i don't stop and thank God for the people in my life. with some, i just get upset that they aren't what i want them to be in my life. really it is me that isn't what i want to be in my life. they just get caught in the crossfire. i don't see the good God has put in me, the bits of him that i've got in my being. it's easier for me to see the good in others for the most part. it's a different story with me.

the point is that i'm trying to learn to be okay with those things that are just a part of life. uncertainty is just a part of it, especially life with Christ. faith requires a bit of it. things are not usually spelled out for us by God. there are questions and confusion.

understanding isn't always what God wants from us. so often i think He just wants trust, for us to have faith- conviction of things unseen. and with that faith comes hope, what walter brueggeman says is the exultant conviction that God will not quit until He has His full way in the world.

this is something, faith that is, that has to be constant. faith is like laundry in that it isn't ever over. it requires us to continue, to keep going. faith is wonderful in so many ways. though faith can be awful, terrifying, unnerving and place in settings completely uncomfortable, the outcome of it is wonderful: the joy of clean sheets, the wonderful knowledge that God's got you, the hope that when all is said in done there won't be anymore laundry to do.

High Five Escalator

i'd like to say that i enjoy this. i'd also like to point out how happy rob made everybody.

actually it was simply hi-fives or is it high-fives? i think it would make sense for both. it could be a hello five or a high five in the sense of it being up in the air. i'm going with high fives because often the five is not salutatory.

i realize i've been silent for a while. perhaps there will be some real thoughts later. my studies have consumed me.

tasty burger

if any of you were wondering what movie line i quote more than any other, this is it. pretty much every time i eat a burger, tasty or not, i will say it out loud or, at the very least, to myself. samuel l. jackson has a way of saying things, doesn't he?

"yes they deserved to die..."

press your luck

right now i am sitting at my dad's desk. from this spot i can only hear the tv, perpetually on the game show network. my grandmother moved in with my parents last thanksgiving and since that time she has filled her days with the viewing of this channel with small breaks at other channels for the nightly showings of jeopardy and that wheel (what she calls the wheel of fortune). but pretty much, she is endlessly watching the game show network.

all you hear, in between commercials targeted toward the elderly, is the beeping, buzzing and unified audience response to a myriad of games. it deadens your senses, probably dilates your pupils and drives you crazy. press your luck is the current game.

is there a more obnoxious game to listen to and not watch? i think not.

constantly, you hear the cries of the early 80's contestants, with their upper torso and head in the midst of the flashing board. this was surely a highly technical achievement which must have blown the minds of people everywhere.

"no whammy, no whammy...... STOP!" they scream. they hit the large red button and you either hear the cheers of the contestant and audience because they landed on a 1500$ spot or they won a tumor inducing microwave or you hear the depressed fog-horn noise which precedes "a whammy."

the whammy is a cross between the noid from dominoes and a gremlin from the movie gremlins. the whammy would involve in some type of silly animation. you would lose your money and it would laugh at you with a helium cackle. for some reason the whammy wore a cape.

but i'm not telling you anything wikipedia wouldn't be happy to. what i will say is that the game show network is an abyss that has swallowed my grandmother.

i wonder about what it must be like to grow old and to get to a point where you don't really do anything. nana spends much of her time just trying to run out the clock. she is ill. she gets tired walking into the kitchen to acquire one of her dozen sprites a day or to eat a pint of haagen dazs dulce de leche. there isn't much else for her to do, that she physically can do.

at times she feels like she is a burden. truthfully at times she is and at times she isn't. but she is family, so you do what you have to because there is something about family that allows us to and urges us to. when there is something amiss with family it is obvious. family as an institution is really quite remarkable. family is something at the root of our lives. family can define us, at its best and worst. even when it doesn't exist, it will be created. i saw that living in moldova. the kids there created family, sometimes for the worst.

i've seen how my grandparents' aging has impacted my parents' lives. i hear stories about people taking care of their sick father or mother for years. i've not only heard the stories but i've seen them lived out. loving sons and daughters become caregivers and their lives dissipate into watching after their parent like they would a baby. for better or worse, people are living longer and family now means considering what to do when life keeps going.

one of the last times i was with my grandpa before he died, some of his family of comparable ages came to visit. i sat in on the talk, fifty years the minor of the youngest of the 6 or so in the room. they spoke about death in a way that was new to me.

death really was a release for them. they were done, for lack of a better word, with living. they had lived lives they were okay with, they were out of the resources of living and ready to put the final period on their lives. they were satisfied with the lives they led. it is disturbing in a way, admirable in another.

i'm not really sure why i'm writing about death and the game show network. but i do know that i hope to die while i'm still living, living in the sense that i feel like i still have a reason to. this hanging around that happens so much these days doesn't seem good. i hope to lead a long life but more so a full one. if i can sit in a room with my peers when i'm the age those people were and still feel like my life matters, i'll be satisfied. this break i've had from school has made me tired from doing nothing. i'm ready for something again, something challenging. i'm ready to go back.

feeling like your life mattered in its past, i think, will help make the possibility of life mattering at that age possible in the future. perhaps the opposite is true, that feeling like your life didn't matter will motivate you to do something in the end, to redeem it.

but i fear that is too big of a risk. by then, i may only be able to muster enough energy to make it to the couch so i can watch reruns of game shows i never cared enough to watch while i was young. maybe waiting until the end to matter will work for some but i'm not that lucky. i need to make life matter while i can. if you'll permit me to be a little cheesy: it's not wise to press your luck, not in that sense.

Merry Christmas!

though my santa was a little more delayed than the last couple of years, i still got it in before the big day. i'm not sure how i feel about this one. but i am proud of my fire work. basically, what i'm trying to say is give the man his cookies. he's earned them. don't give him vegatables, please just don't do that.

holiday cheer?

i'm diligently working to get this last week of school under my belt successfully. actually, the fact that i'm writing this right now probably casts much doubt upon the merit of my diligence. a truly diligent man would not be updating his sorely neglected blog whilst drowning in a sea of scholarly endeavors. he would need all of his energy to keep him afloat, to keep his increasingly scattered head above water in the hopes that something might swoop in to rescue him.

the purpose of this post is simply to question the people at sprint. what are they doing with santa, nay, to santa?

please follow this link but be warned that you might be freaked out by what you see: holiday abomination

now, sprint has made santa into a malnourished, ill-fashioned, albino-tool with a beard and self-issued "hip-hop-street-cred" that makes me hate the whole concept of santa, who was not meant to be a weaselly trust fund recipient with too much time for leisure but a diligent and benevolent toy craftsmen and a kind and efficient manager of adorable elves. santa should be full of love, hope, generosity, ridiculous cheer and equal parts milk & cookies.

santa's clothing should be a bit of a squeeze for him because he is a little heavy and intends to go on a diet. his pants should not be tight because they were made for women. i do not want and the world does not need an emo santa who can be described with the word uber (please insert two dots above the u, or is it the e).

this blatant abuse of santa bugs me because christmas has been so terribly distorted into something that irks me. though santa has seemingly replaced the birth of Christ as christmas's central theme, the roots of his lore are decent and kind of comforting. the real santa didn't seem to have time to golf or pursue his dj dreams, which i can only assume will flounder epically, but was trying to bless other people.

where has substance gone? can we please lead lives that matter again? the world needs fat santas again that genuinely work towards the good, not merely a good time. looking at ourselves makes us empty and skinny. caring about others fattens us up. if there was ever a time that we actually needed fat, it is now (metaphorically of course: be more sensible in food and exercise for a healthy life). keep an eye out for my annual santa paint production (i'll take suggestions).